Sharing is caring!

Hey, Mom.

Overwhelmed mom. Tired mom. Borderline hopeless Mom.

I hear ya. I’ve been there and might be there again soon. That’s just mom life for you, especially here in the beginning.

The definition of “overwhelm” (verb) is to bury or drown beneath a huge mass, to defeat completely, to give too much of a thing to (someone). That is a strong word right there, and the experience of it is even stronger.

I have definitely felt like I’m drowning beneath a huge mass of stress and things to do. It’s the perfect description of how it feels to be overwhelmed with motherhood. I have also felt defeated completely, and like I’ve given too much of myself to everything and everyone (except to myself, of course).

This post contains affiliate links, which means if you purchase something from this page, I will get a small commission, with no additional charge to you. Thank you for supporting my blog! 

I understand now that I felt this way because I didn’t have a raft or a life jacket.

I had nothing to keep me from going under when the waves hit.

And we all can understand that when a person is drowning, there is NO way that they can help someone else from going under, too, even if it’s their own child.

When you’re on a plane and it starts going down, they say to put on your oxygen mask FIRST and then help others. This means putting in on yourself before your spouse and children, too. You have to make sure that YOU are okay before you can make sure that they are okay.

When we keep going and going and going, we burn out and tend to hurt the very people we are going and going for, which defeats the purpose.

We’re constantly trying so hard to be a “good mom” who does it all, but then get overwhelmed and take it out on our spouse and kids, which makes everyone unhappy.

“If Mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy.”

You are not happy if you are constantly overwhelmed.

Sure, situations arise that are out of the blue and catch us off guard, and may be overwhelming until we get things under control. However, what I’m talking about is being in a constant state of feeling like you are drowning and defeated.

Momin’ is hard and it’s a lot.

It’s hard to focus ALL of your attention on anything, and now there is this tiny human being that we have to take care of and make sure they don’t fall down the stairs or eat poison or dog food.

It’s mentally exhausting. It’s physically exhausting. And more often than not, it’s emotionally exhausting.

We HAVE to be sure we are taking the time we need for ourselves – to recharge, relax, fill our own cups, tighten our life jackets, re-inflate our rafts, and put on our oxygen.

The Overwhelmed Night.

“Babe, it’s your turn to get her…” I texted Alan, from upstairs.

Madison was having trouble staying asleep after I put her to bed. She would wake up within an hour screaming and crying, until I went in to nurse, rock, and hold her. And for a while, she would wake up multiple times after I put her back to sleep, time and time again.

It could’ve been teething, separation anxiety, sleep regression, bad dreams, her room was too hot, her room was too cold, she didn’t like the fan being on, she didn’t like her music, the neighbor’s dogs barked. You name it.

It could’ve been any one of things or several put together, and I didn’t know which one(s). I didn’t know how to fix the problem. Which is often the main source of our overwhelm – we feel defeated when we don’t have the answer.

So, the frustrated and overwhelmed mom couldn’t do it anymore. Daddy had to take over.

Alan went up to her room and tried holding and rocking her, and she was quiet for a little bit, but then still cried and screamed and would not lay down or sleep.

So he ended up just bringing her to our bed, where she laid on my chest and nursed a little, and then laid on Alan’s arm for a bit. Eventually, she just wanted to roll around and sit up and “goo” and “gaa” to us, so I had to take her back to her room.

But…I felt okay! I didn’t have the sinking, frustrated feeling anymore, even though I desperately hoped that this time it would work. And that night, it did.

This overwhelmed mom needed help, and she got it. It was exactly what could and did fix me.

Moms often end up doing everything.

If you strictly nurse your baby, it’s easy to get stuck in the routine of just doing it all. Also, if you’re a mom, it’s easy to get stuck in the routine of just doing it all. Go figure.

When Madison was a newborn and needed to nurse in the middle of the night, I would change her diaper, nurse her and put her back to bed. I felt like it didn’t make sense to have Alan get up, too.

And the same thing would happen during the day, for the most part. Please know that he would definitely help if I asked him, or if she pooped while I took a short nap, but I would often not ask and just do it all myself.

Newborns are basically attached to the mama for months. It’s so easy to just do everything since you’re already right there.

But then, after a while, you realize that you’re doing everything, and want more help. And, oftentimes, it’s hard to ask for help. We sometimes will just expect the help, and then get frustrated even more when our guy doesn’t step up.

We resent that we have to ask for help.

I just finished the new season of The Let Down the other day, and loved when one woman said,

“I get a sense that a lot of women think they’re failing [as mothers] when they’re not. They’re just not meeting these ridiculous expectations.”

There are general expectations in society and expectations that we put on ourselves.

Moms WANT to be “good” moms, which often translates to being a “supermom,” and momin’ is hard enough, without trying to add ‘super’ on top of it!

We WANT to do everything. Or, more, that we want to be ABLE to do everything. We want to have the perfect house, and be the perfect mom and wife with the perfect yard, etc.

But the reality of that perfection is that it’s just not possible without help. And even with help, perfection just doesn’t exist, no matter what someone else’s life looks like from the outside.

In wanting to be able to do everything, but knowing that we can’t, we want help to be offered.

You want him to get up in the morning with the baby so you can sleep in for the first time in a long time. You want him to feed the baby and get food splattered all over him, and then point at him and laugh! Haha just kidding…kinda.

We want these things. Why not just ask for them?

Come to grips with the reality that you are a great mom and an amazing mom. You do your best every day.

Realize that you do so much and that you do it out of love (even if you don’t always feel that way in the moment). You love so much and so hard.

You are so full of love. You are beautiful. You are a wonderful mom who sometimes needs help, and it is perfectly okay.

Ask him to get up with the baby on Saturday morning, even if you get up shortly after. It will be by choice and you’ll feel great.

Ask him to change that poopy diaper. He’s “just sitting there,” too.

And if you’re a single mom, you’re the epitome of superwoman. But you need a break, too. Ask your mom, sister, aunt, brother, friend to come over and play with the baby for a bit while you get out, or sleep. Please, still ask for help, and don’t think because you’re a single amazing mom, that you shouldn’t need help.

When you need it, ask for it.

There are some other things you can do, AS WELL.

Notice, the “as well” in bold letters there. Asking for help is number one.

Figure out what makes you breathe.

What helps you to take a step back and take deep breaths? Maybe just a nice walk outside will help. When Madison was a newborn, I would sit out on my front porch with her, just to hear the birds chirping and see my beautiful lilies. Sunshine really does a lot of good.

Jane L. Cook, on Prevention.com, says to give your brain some RUM (Rest, Uplifting emotions and Motivation), begin a morning gratitude practice, be mindfully present, and focus on kindness.

What makes you smile?

Watch your favorite movie. Eat your favorite cake. Read your favorite book. Demand that your husband/bf/partner give you some time to take a nice, long bubble bath. Paint your toenails, or pay someone else to paint them. You can even bring your baby along!

I recently learned what makes me happy and can make me feel better when I’ve had a horrible day: going to the movies. I always loved going to the movies and would even go by myself sometimes, and still enjoy it, sometimes even more than if I was with someone.

I had a bad week and a bad day, and Alan went out and spent time with his brother, playing video games. I realized that I need to get out, too. He does it, why shouldn’t I?

So, after Madison was asleep, I went to see a movie, and I still feel refreshed, four days later.

Going to the movies is my thing. It makes me happy. And I’m going to go at least once a month, to be sure that I stay smiling and refreshed.

Treat yourself when you can. Do what makes your smile stick around.

Get Help.

You are amazing. You are loved. You are supported. Find who makes you feel those things. A mom’s group. A friend (whether they’re a mom or not). A church. A therapist. A doctor. Whatever it is, you need to find it. Especially if you have postpartum depression. Don’t let PPD keep you to itself. Plenty of moms get through it, but how? Did they fight tooth and nail to get through it alone? Or did they find the support needed?

Pray.

For a while, I would pray FOR things to happen. Like for Madison to PLEASE finally go to sleep, for instance. And then I would find myself mad at God when she didn’t.

Praying wasn’t changing my situation and just made me angrier, so I stopped.

How many of us pray to change our situation, instead of praying to change us? Prayer opens doors. But we often look at the wrong door! The door is inside of us.

Then, I started thanking God for my baby. Thanking Him for the strength to do whatever I need to do for my little one. And for this opportunity to grow in love, patience, self-control, and whatever other many things I was learning.

Instead of having my hand out, waiting for things to get easier, I decided to be thankful that I was tired because of this blessing. There are many people who can’t have this experience and wish they could. And for that, I am deeply humbled and grateful.

This is not an easy thing that I learned, and not always an easy thing to do, but it does help. It put things into perspective for me.

Plan for the worst.

This one may not work for everyone, but it worked wonders for me.

When the story from above was happening, and Madison was having such a hard time sleeping, I was so exhausted, and as I put her back to bed for the third time that night, I went to bed.

As I was trying to fall asleep, I was so frustrated that I told myself that she’s going to wake up as soon as I fall asleep.

And that she’s going to wake up multiple times throughout the rest of the night.

That it’s going to be a really rough night.

Then. I woke up the next morning! And the surprise that I was wrong was such a nice thing.

We hate being wrong, but being wrong about this was great.

I’ve often done this, where I plan for the worst thing to happen. And even though when I do it, it’s when I’m frustrated and sort of exaggerating the situation, but it really helps prepare me mentally for the possibility of difficult times ahead, and just accept it if the worst does happen.

Remember this is only a season.

Seasons can last a long time or a short time.

Teething pain is a short time. Sleep regressions are short-time things. Separation anxiety, short-ish. Chasing your baby everywhere, short-term thing.

Babies being little = very short time.

This only being a season is a good thing for the tough times, but also a sad thing, because the days of your baby just wanting you to hold them all the time will go away, and then you’ll be begging your big kid for a hug.

We want our children to be independent, and love watching it happen, but there are and will be times that I wish I could just sit and hold Madison for hours on end.

So, take comfort in the fact that the hard nights won’t last forever. And be sure that you are also enjoying the parts that you can, even in those difficult nights.

Like when my daughter is being difficult and doesn’t want to sleep, but wants me to nurse her more, and I’m so frustrated, and she looks up at me, smiles, and says “Hieeeeeeeee!” in her super cute way, and it makes me smile.

She can make me so frustrated, but then turn right around and make me so happy.

Our babes have that effect on us.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My posts often focus on the difficult times of motherhood, and it’s not because I have bad feelings about being a mom at all, but because they are important.

Negative feelings are important, too, because they are real.

We all know the positives of being parents, and don’t need support on the good days. We need help and support on those difficult, negative-feelings days.

Be gentle with yourself.

One last thought.

Be nice to yourself. Be gentle to yourself.

You are doing your best, ESPECIALLY on the hard days. Pat yourself on the back!

Pour yourself a glass of wine! Watch your favorite movie! Lay in bed and do nothing, say nothing and think nothing.

You deserve it, Mama.

Related Topics:
Why It’s Important To Take Time For Yourself As A Mom
From Mom Doubt to Mom Confidence
How To Love Your “Mom Body”

If you are interested in starting your own blog, you can go through Bluehost, like me. It’s super easy and affordable at only $3.95/month! You can get started by clicking here.

Sharing is caring!