Returning to work after maternity leave was such a hard time.
I know there are moms out there who enjoy working, and like the break away from home, however, I am not one of them.
I’m the type of person who will smother myself with someone I love, and even when I get tired of them, I don’t want them to go away, and I felt the same way with my sweet Madison.
When I had Madison, I was able to take a partial paid and partial unpaid leave for six months, which I was so thankful for.
And even though six months is a really long time, it went by too fast and still felt like it wasn’t enough.
For the first few days back, I cried on my way to work, at work for my three pumping sessions (and sometimes in the bathroom while I peed), and on my way home from work. The first day, I cried when I got home and held my baby girl.
Madison also cried when I got home for a couple months and couldn’t wait for me to take off my coat and put down my purse to hold her and nurse her.
It was a really difficult transition for us and I worried how it would affect our relationship, but here are a few things I learned:
1. A baby will never forget their mama.
You are Mama and nothing will change that, especially to your baby. Just like Madison, your baby will want to get into your arms ASAP! I felt a little more distant from being gone, but Madison didn’t. She just wanted to melt into me every day when I got home.
2. Children remember the good times more.
I worried about my daughter remembering me being gone at work all day when she’s older. But thinking back to my own childhood, I remember playing all day in the summers and then running to my dad when he got home from work and jumping into his arms, exclaiming “DADDY!” He has often apologized for not making a better life for us, but I mostly remember how fun he was. Kids naturally hold on to the good memories. So, instead of remembering sadness about you being gone, they will instead remember the joy of you coming home.
3. Babies are easily distracted.
They don’t look around the house or daycare for you all day. They focus on what they are doing in that moment. And a good caretaker, babysitter or dad, in my case, will keep him or her busy and make sure they have a fun-filled day. The harder part is distracting yourself from thinking about the baby all day, which is near impossible for a while.
4. It’s natural to worry.
My boyfriend, Alan, is a realtor, so he was able to take care of Madison for the most part, and his mom would watch her if he had to show a house, but I still worried about her. I worried that he wasn’t putting her down for her nap on time, or would wait too long before getting her up, or that he wouldn’t play with her enough, or feed her enough, or hug her enough, or whatever else I could worry about. But, honestly, he did perfectly fine. She was really happy to spend time with her daddy and I’m happy they were able to get closer and have special daddy-daughter time.
5. Make the most out of your time with your baby.
Weekends are always the best, but they’re my favorite because I get to spend the entire two days with Madison, non-stop. I was also able to get the mid-shift at work, so during the week, I am able to have time with her in the morning and I’m able to put her to bed at night. Some moms may prefer more time in the morning and work later, or more time at night and work earlier, or they may not have a choice, but the important thing is to give your baby your focused attention during that time. My mornings with her are perfect, even though they feel short. When I come home, I play with her or nurse her, whichever she would like. And on weekends, we’ll walk around the block or go to a park or the zoo, but it’s the soaking-up-baby time that is treasured.
6. Everything is an adjustment.
Change takes time and so does getting used to it. Honestly, it took me a while to not cry when I was at work. I would basically have temper tantrums about not wanting to work and not wanting to be away from her. But, eventually, you accept the hard truth, that being an adult and needing to pay bills is something we can’t escape, no matter how much we want to. And even after months of being back, I will still have a hard day, especially when Madison cries when I leave, which leads to my next point.
7. Make the “good-bye” fun.
I’ve learned that the best goodbye is a silly goodbye. Alan will hold Madison as I get my coat and purse and then I’ll kiss her and move back and kiss her again, and do that a few times to make her giggle. She loves to wave so I wave at her with a big smile on my face and might tickle her a little first. Doing it this way ensures that she’s happy as I leave, which makes me feel a lot better.
8. It is important to love what you do.
It is easier if you are away from your baby for something you actually enjoy. Otherwise, it feels pointless (apart from the fact that you need money and sometimes have no other choice at the moment). So, if you already hate your job, and hate being away from your little one, start looking for better options.
As someone who always wanted to be a SAHM, it was very difficult to not be able to do that, but there is always hope for the future.
In the meantime, I hope this is able to help other mothers who may be returning to work soon. Know that everything is temporary. In time your kiddo will be in school and will be gone the whole day, and being at work will make more sense, then. Things will get easier, and that’s what I try to look forward to, especially on the difficult days.
And always remember that you are doing great!
Much love, Mama Bears!
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