I’m gonna take a break from blogging about copywriting and talk a little about being a working mom…
Going back to work after having a baby was really tough. I did not want to leave my daughter, EVER!
And then I had to all of sudden be gone 40 plus hours a week, including driving 25 minutes each way.
It was awful, and still is, but eventually you adjust to the new way of life.
A little background about my job…it’s customer service. I know that pretty much explains it all right there ha.
I work at a call center and have been there just over five years now. I grew to truly dislike my job and the customers, to where I became depressed.
I would bring home the anger and frustration from the day and would be very negative and on edge all the time.
I remember thinking about the difference between how I felt doing this verses when I was a massage therapist. Back then, I loved people and honestly wanted to help them, and even if I didn’t feel like working or doing a massage, I always felt peaceful and relaxed afterword.
After years of dealing with many angry and rude customers, I felt as if it changed my feelings toward people in general.
I no longer felt happy thoughts about them, and no longer felt like I wanted to help them.
I was now angry at them all.
I knew I couldn’t continue being this way.
I put in my two weeks notice and was going to take a couple of months to do nothing and figure out what I really wanted to do (including working on copywriting), but sometimes life has different plans…
I took a pregnancy test that same night, and it was positive.
Out of all of the many tests I took, it was positive when I was going to make a big life change. Ironic, eh?
So, I went back the next day and rescinded my resignation.
I knew that I needed the good pay and also the maternity leave is phenomenal and I wouldn’t get it that good anywhere else.
I stuck around, still hating my job, because it was going to be worth it.
I ended up switching to the chat team. You know when you go onto a website and would rather chat with a representative instead of call, that’s me you could be talking to.
It’s basically the same thing I was doing before, but much better, so it literally saved me toward the end of my pregnancy.
Then, I had hoped that I wouldn’t have to go back after my maternity leave.
My heart was so set on my boyfriend finding a full-time job that could replace mine, but it just didn’t work out that way.
He is a realtor, which can be good, but very inconsistent. We knew that we needed at least one consistent income between us, and that consistency was me.
I fought against the thought of going back to work the whole time I was on leave, which was almost six months.
When I realized that I would have to go back, I started stressing about it to where I felt like I would cause myself to have a panic attack or heart attack, or some kind of attack. I also had the baby blues a bit, so that didn’t help either.
I felt like if I wasn’t there to be sure everything was perfect for my baby, nothing would be good enough, and that her dad would somehow fail to take good care of her, or that she’ll be sad missing me too much, or that I’ll get used to being away from her and end up even liking it. I had so many worries flooding my mind and felt completely overwhelmed by them.
A good friend of mine, that I often vent to, suggested I call my doctor to see if I have post-partum depression and I decided to go ahead and do it.
They set me up with a therapist and I just cried for the first few minutes of our session, without being able to talk.
Then, I told her how worried I was about going back to work and how much I just wanted to be home with my baby and be the one to take care of her.
I also explained my feelings of not being a good enough mom and like I was always doing something wrong, or that I could somehow be doing more for her, even though I knew I was doing everything I could and that she was perfectly happy.
She said it did sound like I have some post partum depression, but I think it was more along the lines of baby blues, either way it felt horrible.
The great thing she did was she got me to think about the future in a positive light. What could I do instead of this job? What could my boyfriend do? Could we go back to school to try and get a better job later on? Can I do massage therapy again? (Which I’ve considered many times.)
One thing she kept saying is that I’m “stuck.”
Stuck in my situation of having to go to work and be apart from my daughter full time.
Stuck being the one to have to bring home the consistent paycheck. That I have to do this now, because it’s just how things are. It explained how I felt so well.
Stuck in the mud, not able to climb out to where I want to be. Putting words to it helped, even though it couldn’t change my situation.
I did feel better after talking to her and thinking about more than just the sadness I felt when I thought about being gone.
I ended up feeling encouraged to just bite the bullet and do what I have to do for my family. Be “stuck” for the time being, until I could be unstuck (still waiting on that!)
I cried for the first week back on my way to work, at work, and sometimes on the way home. Sometimes my daughter would cry when I’d come home because she wanted to be in my arms faster than I could take off my coat and put my purse down.
It was tough, and still is, but definitely becoming “the norm,” which I also hate.
A nice thing with my job, is that they let us now work from home two days a week, so I get to see her much more than when I first went back. I did about a month of being gone for the full work week. The working from home is really nice.
I am glad that I was able to adjust, even though part of me still wants to scream in anger and just fall on the floor in a temper tantrum, shouting how I don’t wanna go.
It’s nice to see how strong I can be, and that my relationship with my daughter wasn’t negatively affected, like I had feared it would be.
I also get mornings and evenings with her, which is more than some mamas get. I’m still so very blessed.
I’m also blessed to be working with a good company. As much as I can’t wait to leave one day, I am still thankful for all the good my job has brought me.
I also was able to let go of holding on to my daughter so tight, which ended up curing my baby blues. I’ve still doubted myself here and there, but nothing like in the beginning.
I think being away did help a little, even though I would’ve still chosen to stay home and feel the baby blues over going back to work ha. All in all, I hate leaving my baby girl, but there is some good in having a job.