“What a cruel scheme to keep a woman from knowing her power. To put the focus on what pregnancy did to her body rather than focus on what her perfect body just did. Here we sit, creating and nourishing the future and we are diminished to “baby weight”. I will not succumb to your demeaning ideals.”
– Amethyst Joy
First off, you need to know that you are amazing.
You did an incredible thing when you carried another life inside your body for nine months, which is a really long time, and then pushed the baby out of a very sensitive area, or were cut open to have your baby brought into this world.
You are powerful.
You are perfect.
Then….you look in the mirror and see your stretch marks…the extra weight…your “mommy pooch”…your cellulite…your double chin…basically all of the negatives about yourself.
You hate this feeling. But, hey, maybe you’re used to that feeling, too.
I’ve had cellulite since I was 12 years old and hated it. I used to not want to wear shorts so that my monstrous cottage cheese thighs wouldn’t growl at everyone passing by.
But then I moved to a very humid place and just could not handle the stickiness of pants or capris and just got over my hatred of my thighs, because something else was more important – not having a swamp in my pants!
So I decided to look at my mom body the same way…feeling good in my skin is the more important thing in this case.
But how do you do that?
You DON’T feel good in your skin, that’s the problem, right?
Well, let me tell you, it’s all in your mind. How YOU perceive yourself is what matters.
In general, people are not going to comment on your body, especially negative comments. Believe it or not, people are MOSTLY nice.
So, go ahead and stop worrying about what others will say, and definitely don’t worry about what they will think about you, because they have the freedom to think whatever they want! You can’t control that, and you have no right to.
If you saw the movie “I Feel Pretty,” you can understand how it looks when you see yourself in a good light. People catch on to how you see yourself and then they see you that way.
But, again, your focus needs to not be on what other people think about you, that’s not what loving your own body is about.
We did a miraculous thing and sacrificed so much for our precious bundles of perfection, yet the focus tends to be on what was sacrificed, instead of why it was sacrificed.
This post is not going to tell you how to “fix” your mom body, but that you need to ACCEPT it.
One way to start accepting yourself, and loving yourself, is to look at yourself in the mirror after a shower, before you put on your clothes, and instead of turning your gaze away from your body, look at it.
Take it all in.
See you through it all.
And then give yourself a hug. Like, a literal hug. Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze tight. Close your eyes and hug yourself like you’ve never hugged yourself before.
We give so much to everything and everyone else, but not enough to ourselves. So, take this time to give back your love to yourself.
And after you hug yourself, hug each part of your body that has changed since having your baby (physical hugs and/or mental hugs).
Be sure the hug is with the same kind of love that you hug your baby. Being so grateful that it’s yours, that you’ve been so blessed with it.
And say how thankful you are for that part. For your belly, that carried your precious baby. For your butt and thighs that allow you to walk around with your baby and sit down on the floor with them. For your arms that hold and hug them. For your chin that lets you sing to them and kiss them.
Practice this daily. Practice self-love and self-appreciation, because you are truly worth all the love in the world. You deserve it.
And soon, you will be comfortable and even happy in your own skin. And if you start to want to work out more to lose some weight, you can do it lovingly, wanting your goal to always be healthy, not “skinny.”
I really pray that this is able to help you. I know that you are beautiful and amazing. Your child/ren think you are beautiful and amazing and there is so much that they won’t understand about everything you have done and will do for them, but they will still be forever grateful that you did it.
Much love, Mama.
Keep your chin up and just keep going forward, working on your self love. And remember, that it starts in your mind. Change the way you think first.
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I still check my self out in the mirror, not always digging that the right boob is now bigger than the left, but loving the power I have to create.
One thing I’ve realized though, self love isn’t really about looks. You’ll always be beautiful to someone, and yeah it’s a great feeling if you can appreciate your own beautiful form, but in the end you have to be at peace with your spirit. The courage to be yourself will make you stand out, you’ll literally never fit in again and that’s beautiful.
I love that so much, Alisa! And you’re right, it isn’t just about looks, it’s deeper than that. Which again is in the mind. How you think about yourself is what matters, whether about your spirit or body. It all needs to be loved by yourself ❤️
Having a newborn to care for makes taking the time for this kind of self love so difficult! Who has time to shower, let alone stare in the mirror?! Haha! But you are so right, this is such an important thing that often gets overlooked. Moms need time to love themselves, no matter how much their body has changed!
It completely does! And honestly at first, you’re just thinking about keeping the baby alive and fed, and then you come next and even then it’s only the basics, like food and coffee haha. But as time goes on, it’s so easy to stay on the back burner, but we have to make sure that we are important again, too. Bit by bit, day by day ❤️
I totally relate to this. I gained a lot of weight with my daughter and it’s taken 3 years for me to start feeling like my true self again. I tried to be gracious to myself, but I had a hard time with the rolls and finding new clothes since nothing fit. It’s certainly a challenge, but taking it easy on our ourselves is so helpful.
I completely agree that it’s hard to adjust to the “new me” after having a baby, especially when the changes are more than expected. But definitely be sure to take it easy on yourself <3 You are a mama and did so much for your baby girl, and I'm sure you'd do it all again if you could go back. What we gain is greater than what we have lost. Much love, Laura!
Very thoughtful and generous post. Thank you.
I’m so glad you enjoyed it!