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Motherhood is very challenging and takes a lot out of you, but most of it is how you approach it mentally.

Think about a time that you were taught something new. How did it go? What was the teacher like? Were they endlessly patient and forgiving? Or were they constantly upset that you STILL needed help and hadn’t learned it, yet?

What were your parents like? What did you like that they did? What would do differently?

With that in mind, what kind of teacher do you want to be to your kids? Because we do have control over that. Although, that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

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And even if you work hard to be the most patient parent that ever was, you will still have hard days. And you should NEVER feel bad about that. No guilt allowed for feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, or for needing time to yourself.

This is the second part of my series, 10 Things I Learned In My First Year of Motherhood.

No mom guilt allowed!

I recently read a post where a mom said to stop saying that motherhood is so hard. She said that of course it’s hard! Because it inconveniences you. You can’t do everything that you want to do. You have to give 100% of your attention to this little human.

And I’m here to say THAT IS HARD TO DO! Not as a complaint in the slightest, but as a truth.

I feel like moms so often try to be the happy-go-lucky mom, instead of being brutally honest about the hard days. We try to be Charlotte, from Sex and the City 2, where she wanted to act like her baby screaming all the time didn’t bother her, when it definitely did. Miranda was able to get her to let her guard down to finally be honest, and say the “awful” things that she feels during those tough times and hard days. And it helped her so much.

I’ve been Charlotte, and that ain’t easy, either. We are still people who need space and comfort and help, at times!

The point the author, of the above mentioned post, was making is that there is too much negativity around parenting. That people say it’s so hard and talk about all of the bad things.

And while that may be somewhat true, it’s also important to acknowledge the feelings that go with being a parent, especially moms, because, let’s face it, we usually do it all. And there are good AND bad feelings and frustrations with it.

It’s natural to feel exhausted and overwhelmed when doing something, sometimes non-stop, for 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It’s nothing to feel bad about. Mom-guilt is much too common.

You do so much for your babies, and your significant other, it IS overwhelming.

So, don’t ever feel bad about feeling that way.

Other posts you may enjoy:
Why It’s Important To Take Time For Yourself As A Mom
Five Ways To Go From Mom Doubt To Mom Confidence
12 Tips To Having An Organized Home As A Mom

Motherhood is sacrifice.

So much sacrifice. And sacrifice is not easy. But, it’s worth it.

I would say that the most challenging times for me are when my daughter doesn’t sleep, which, of course, means that I don’t sleep, and when I can’t eat. Eating and sleeping are important! So, it’s not that she’s keeping me from looking at my phone or scrolling through Facebook, it’s actually things that I need and have to sacrifice for her.

But I know it’s worth it to see her look into my eyes late at night, feeling comforted by her best friend. Her dad and I are all she has right now, and I’m home with her so I do everything she needs. I make her feel better when she’s sad or lonely. I feed her when she’s hungry. I kiss her toe when she drops her toy truck on it. I take her outside when she’s bored of being cooped up in the house. And I go to her when she cries at night and make everything better.

What I’m saying that motherhood IS hard. But that’s not all that it is. It’s also amazing. I would never want to go back to before I had her. As hard as it is to take care of a little human, I wouldn’t give it up for the world.

Moms need to not feel bad for having bad days.

We need to feel like it’s okay to accept our anger and frustration, not bad for feeling that way. I used to not want to even vent about my hard days, because it seemed wrong since I wanted to be a mom so badly, and there I was, crying because I’m tired of holding a cluster-feeding baby all day long.

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But those feelings should be validated. If someone was to just say, “Wow, I know that must be frustrating. You just want to be able to get up and clean the house a little bit, or get a glass of water without worrying about waking the baby up. That sounds tough.” Those words would make all the difference.

Photo by Shopify Partners from Burst

Having those feelings validated doesn’t change the situation, but it accepts the situation and that it sometimes sucks.

But. Everything comes to an end.

My cluster-feeding baby eventually stopped cluster feeding. And now I’m weaning her and miss the days that she would fall asleep nursing, when I could hold her forever.

The hard days turn to easy days, or at least not-so-hard days. (Mostly haha) Then there are different kind of hard days.

Sure, she isn’t cluster feeding anymore, but she isn’t a fan of weaning and has been super clingy lately. To the point that I can’t put her in her high chair to eat in the morning, because she just wants me to hold her. She also hasn’t been falling asleep at night well, like she used to. I know that she’s tired, but she doesn’t want to sleep, and will cry and cry and cry, unless I nurse her. But then she wants to stop nursing and talk about the dogs or the candle on her shelf or the baby and goose figurine (all of these sound like “dada” right now, of course lol!). Then, when I go to lay her down, she cries immediately, and it doesn’t matter what I do, she just doesn’t want to be in her crib.

Don’t you dare tell me that this isn’t hard. Otherwise you can come put her to sleep for almost two hours. Just kidding, I wouldn’t be able to sit downstairs while someone else tried comforting her haha. She only wants mama, and that’s fine, because I want to be the one to help her and teach her.

But soon, she won’t have these troubles. Maybe she is just needing to have one nap a day now, instead of two (which is what I will be trying this week, fingers crossed! More to come on this later!)

So, again, motherhood is not easy, and I really don’t think anyone says it is, nor should they. But there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with saying that it’s hard.

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If you’ve ever taken care of a puppy, you know how hard it is. But, if you want a dog, you have to put forth the work. Kids and dogs are very different, of course, but the responsibility and time it takes is not. Besides the fact, that puppies are only hard for up to a year, maybe two, and babies are more hard and for longer.

Photo by Matthew Henry from Burst

Get Help.

Always know when too much is really too much and you need help.

Why is it that moms are so often the last people to ask for help? We think we have to just power through it.

Probably because we HAVE TO JUST POWER THROUGH IT. Otherwise, how will things get done? Ironic haha.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. Get a support system. A friend, a group, a parent, a counselor/therapist, a doctor. Anyone that can sympathize and empathize with you. Your significant other might be able to be this person to you, but I believe that another mom would be even better, because she’s walked in your shoes.

With this, I am not complaining. I’m being real. I see moms who seem like they have it all together, and that’s the story they want to show. But it’s not the whole story, and it’s fine if they don’t want to tell their whole story publicly. But just know that the perfect mom isn’t always perfect. You’re comparing your worst days to her best days. Not very fair comparison.

Give yourself a break, a pat on the back and a tall glass of wine and just breathe. You are amazing and are doing so well.

And, just know, these hard days will turn to easy days soon. Right before the next hard days. But you will become better prepared each and every time.

As always, much love, Mama Bears!

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P.S. If you need to vent or talk, please feel free to reach out. You can contact me here. Even if you don’t want an answer or advice, just getting your feelings out of your head will help immensely.

Prior posts in this series:
10 Things I Learned In My First Year of Motherhood
I Really Do Know What’s Best

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