Why Moms Worry All the Time - and How To Stop It -

Worry is something that we all hate so much, yet, we can’t figure out how to make it stop!

It’s honestly a normal part of life. We all worry about something.

BUT…

Moms worry more. I know this because I am a mom and I worry more about my child than anyone has ever worried about any child ever – or at least that’s how it feels.

It comes from a place of love; a place of protection; a place of concern. We want the best for our sweet babies and get upset if we feel like that isn’t happening.

Even though it’s normal, at some point, it gets to be too much and you turn into an overprotective parent who won’t let their children do anything.

My first night home from the hospital after giving birth to my daughter was a very worrisome time. She seemed like she was having a little trouble breathing and it sounded like she was wheezing. Naturally, I freaked out and said we have to take her back to the hospital to make sure she’s okay.

I googled it and read that she could be allergic to the dogs and cats we had, or any other number of things that it “could” be. Thanks, google.

Her dad said she was fine and ended up holding her on his chest, so I could relax. He definitely didn’t worry like I did, because, well, he wasn’t her mom! And she ended up being just fine.

As life went on as a new mom, I worried about EVERYTHING. That she was eating too much or not enough. That she was sleeping too much, or not enough. What if she stopped breathing in her sleep? What if she choked? What if she got brain damage one of the many times she fell? Etc, etc. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

While these concerns are real and are important things to look out for, I began to feel consumed with worry…

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So, How Much Worry Is Too Much?

I hope I’m not the only one who’s done this, but there have been nights that I’ve laid in bed, tossing and turning, imagining all of the bad things that could happen to my daughter – falling down the stairs, running out in the street and getting run over by a car, drowning in her cousin’s swimming pool, finding a knife in the kitchen and stabbing herself, etc.

And I will lay there imagining every second of a scenario and feel my stomach become a big knot of worry. I’ve even made myself cry thinking about things that could happen.

I cry from my made-up things to worry about.

I have friends who don’t tell their mom the negative things in their lives, if they can help it, because they say she worries too much. They know she loves and cares for them immensely, however, her knowing the not-so-good parts of their lives just adds more stress to them.

The pressure of her wanting their lives to be so good and happy is overwhelming for them when their lives don’t live up to her standards.

When your worrying puts negative pressure on your children, I would say it’s too much.

When your worrying puts negative pressure on you, I would say it’s also too much.

I can tell my mom almost anything because she isn’t a worrier.

My mother was not a worrier in the least bit. In fact, she probably could have worried about us more, but, coincidentally, my older brother and I never broke any bones or had to be rushed to the hospital for any reason.

My little brother gave my parents a little more trouble, breaking his arm when he was five, swallowing several coins when he was nine, having an allergy to poison oak and continuing to go around it. But, even still, she didn’t over-worry with him. She dealt with the situations as they happened.

But, all in all, we were pretty good kids. She would warn us of danger and definitely cared, but she never worried too much. And I feel like I can tell her just about everything, even as an adult, which I believe is because she doesn’t freak out when bad things happen. She looks at things logically and calmly.

Of course, she has her moments and isn’t perfect, but for the most part, she’s very calm, cool and collected when it comes to her kids, which I admire.

How Do I Stop Worrying?

I’m honestly not sure if worry can stop completely, however, I do know that over-worry can be stopped, or at least lessened.

Back to when I keep myself awake at night worrying about awful possibilities. After playing multiple scenarios in my head, I stop and realize the truth of my situation: my daughter is in bed, sleeping peacefully. Period.

I then tell myself how silly I’m being and make myself stop thinking about the bad, and I think about what good things could happen…

Like me taking her to get swimming lessons so that she feels comfortable and confident in water (unlike me who is scared of deep water); like her being strong and capable of climbing up and down the stairs and always having me with her until she’s older; like her listening to me when I tell her not to go into the street alone; and me always watching her to be sure she is safe, until she gets bigger (and, let’s be honest, I’ll still watch her like a hawk then, too!); like me making sure that all knives and sharp objects are always put away out of her reach.

Then, strangely, the positive scenarios play out in such a way that I am able to feel at peace and can finally fall asleep.

Your worries are VALID

One important thing to tell yourself is that your feelings and concerns are all valid. Remember WHY you worry: because you love your child and want good for them.

Worrying about them running in the street when a car is coming is a very real concern. Drowning is a real concern. Getting snatched by a kidnapper. Etc. These are all things that really happen to children, and I can’t imagine being that mother who has these awful things happen.

BUT. We need to live life not burdened by the “what ifs.” They only end up burdening us, our partners and our children, and it makes enjoying life more difficult and not as bright.

Focus on right now

Just like me, lying in bed, realizing that everything is okay and my daughter is safe, choose to focus on what is happening RIGHT NOW.

Believe it or not, we do have control over our own thoughts. We can make ourselves think positive and see the truth. Focus on the truth of right now.

Is your little one playing happily in the next room? Or watching tv, or sleeping? Then smile. Everything is okay and there isn’t a thing to worry about in this moment.

Let’s leave tomorrow’s worries for tomorrow.

Sometimes bad things happen

Although no one wants to, we have to accept that sometimes bad things happen. Our children won’t always be happy, and that’s just life. I’m not always happy and I know you aren’t always happy, so why should we expect our children to be always happy?

Thinking that way might even put pressure on the child to think they have to pretend everything is fine when it’s really not: “I have to smile for mom so she doesn’t worry,” type of thing.

What we really want is the well-being of our children. And what better thing to offer than love and support when they go through hard times. We want to be their safe place so they can run to us and tell us all of their problems and worries, and then we can speak calmness over them, instead of giving them our worry on top of it all.

We also have to teach them how to deal with situations and still make it through the hard times, and that it’s okay to go through something.

Plan for situations

We have to plan for bad situations. Now, I’m not saying worry about the bad possibilities, just plan for them.

If your child is going to play in a swimming pool, obviously, be there to watch them to make sure they are safe. If they did get into a situation where they couldn’t get out, you could help them. Also, get them swimming lessons, or teach them to swim yourself.

Teach your child to be safe. But also know when they need to learn on their own.

I tell my two-year-old to be careful ALL. THE. TIME. Do you think she listens just because I say it? Nope. She needs to fall off of the ottoman or the bench or whatever to learn it for herself. She needs to feel the fear to understand why she needs to be careful, even though it takes many, many falls until she gets it (still hasn’t happened, yet!)

And to battle my worry, I go back to looking at the situation rationally: can she get hurt from these falls? Maybe a little. Can she die from them or break a bone? Most likely, no. So, I have to let her figure it out. And then, with time, she’ll learn to be careful! And then when she’s older and climbing on rocks and the playground, she’ll be careful then too, because she learned what it is to fall.

Take deep breaths

We have to let them learn to fall. Because mommy won’t always be there to pick them up.

At some point in life, they will have to learn to pick themselves up when they fall. But for now, while they’re little, we help them and comfort them and make them feel safe and confident.

Our job as parents is to teach our children the life skills needed to be successful and happy. But to also let them know that there will be times that they aren’t successful or happy and that we’ll be there for them, and that life still goes on and it’s okay to not have a perfect life.

These truths are difficult – for everyone. But I feel like it’s more difficult for parents. That’s why we need to step back from the situation and just take deep breaths if it isn’t an emergency. Breathe. Know that everything is okay and it will be okay. Repeat that to yourself, then repeat it to your child.

In my opinion, you are a great parent when you worry. Just don’t let the worry overtake you and add pressure to you or your family when things can be light and happy.

Worrying about not being happy makes you not happy. Ironic, eh?

To recap how to stop over-worrying:

Acknowledge your concerns and understand the “Why” behind them
Focus on thinking on the here-and-now
Accept sometimes bad things happen
Make rational plans to help situation
Take deep breaths

If you can be calm in stressful situations, your child will run to you, even when they’re older. They want you to be their rock and to be the one place they can go to feel safety and comfort.

There’s no better place to be than in the comforting arms of your mother.

If this has spoken to you, please let me know in the comments below!

Why Moms Worry All the Time – and How To Stop It