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My sweet, baby girl just turned one. It doesn’t feel real or like a year has really passed, but then again, it also feels like she’s been here forever. It’s weird to remember life before her. She’s changed me greatly and has given me so much.

With being a new mom, there was a lot that surprised me about it, and so much that I learned, and am still learning. It’s crazy how much babies will teach us, even though we’re the ones that are supposed to be teaching them.

In writing this, I realized that I have such a great amount to say about each point, that I’m going to make them into a series, so stay tuned!

Related posts:
Welcome to The Mom Club
How To Love Your “Mom Body”
Why It’s Important To Take Time For Yourself As A Mom

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Here are the ten top things that having my daughter taught me:

1. I Really Do Know What’s Best.

This was a hard lesson. When you haven’t had much confidence in general, it’s hard to feel like you’re doing the right thing or know what’s best at all, but even more so when another life is involved. I felt like I wasn’t doing the right thing, ever. Until, over time, I realized that I was. I did my best and I have a very happy baby.

I was able to research and ask other moms for their stories and what they did that worked for them, but also learn to feel what is right for me and my own family. The more that I did what I felt was right, the more confident I became.

2. Motherhood is hard, but it gets easier…in some ways.

As you pass a stage, you know what it was like to be in that stage, and you feel great that you and your baby got past it. Then the next stage is unknown territory and you feel like you’re starting from scratch all over again. But, then you get past that stage, too.

And, eventually, you start to feel more confident that you can get through it all. Even the late nights with a teething baby, when she wakes up multiple times and only wants to be nursed – this was my past week (she got four teeth in at once!).

3. My daughter loves me and trusts me.

Babies don’t know trust when they are first born, after all, they can only sleep and eat. They learn it over time as their parents prove that they are trustworthy.

I remember the first time I knew that Madison trusted me. She was 10 weeks old and we were at a friend’s house to watch a fight on T.V. As the fight progressed, our friends started cheering and clapping really loudly, and Madison got scared and started to cry. I picked her up and rocked her and then nursed her under my cover, and she was okay again.

But, then they cheered again and she looked up at me with a concerned expression, and we locked eyes. I told her that everything is okay and explained that they’re just excited. I know she didn’t understand what I was saying to her, but she was reassured by my voice and content in my arms, staring into my eyes. I knew that she knew she was okay with me. It was a big moment for me as a mom.

4. Bed-sharing worked for us.

The first few weeks after she was born were really tough, as any mom can agree. Madison was fussy at night, in her bassinet. None of us were getting any sleep.

Out of desperation for more than an hour of sleep at a time, I went against what I always said I wouldn’t do, and I laid her in bed next to me and nursed her until she fell asleep. She slept so peacefully, and so did Alan and I. After that night, she was so content, even during the day. She just seemed happier. Having the comfort of being so close to me changed her.

I always felt that there’s something about falling asleep with a person that makes you feel closer to them. You let go of everything when you fall asleep, and you trust a person when you sleep next to them. It changed our relationship for the better.

I know bed-sharing isn’t for everyone, and I didn’t want it to be for us, but it ended up being a life saver. And, after a few months, she transitioned to her crib fairly easy.

5. Sleep training is not fun.

I ended up having to go back to work for a few months, when Madison turned six months old, and I wanted to make it an easier transition for her, instead of a shock to her system to not have me around all the time. I decided to help her learn to fall asleep on her own for her naps.

This was tough, because she had developed a sleep-association with nursing, which means she would only sleep when I nursed her. At night, she did better and would be able to fall into a deeper sleep, thankfully, and I could lay her in her crib to sleep most of the night. But naps were not as lucky.

There is a lot of controversy on sleep training, and I did a TON of reading and research on it. I talked to her doctor about it and asked other moms. Basically, every family is different and every child is different, so you have to find what works for you and your baby.

Because Madison had the sleep association to nursing, it made it more difficult, in our situation. But when anyone learns to do anything on their own, it’s hard, and scary, and you don’t wanna! The good news here, is that babies do learn to go to sleep on their own, eventually. It’s up to the parents to decide if they can wait for that to happen naturally, or if it needs to happen sooner.

I’ll talk more about what I did in my upcoming posts.

6. Being a mom is so joyful, but also heartbreaking.

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With all the love I feel for my daughter, I was surprised by the part that hurt with it. As the saying goes, love hurts. An overwhelming amount of emotion really feels painful, even when it’s a good emotion.

The heartbreaking part is having so much love, that you feel you could break. And worrying that what you’re doing is right and that your baby will grow up happy and be a good person, and follow their dreams, and be free. It’s good heartbreak, because it means that you care.

7. Go with the flow.

At first, I found it so hard to just let things be as they are, and wanted to “make” things happen and have control over the outcome. I had to force myself to just let go and see what happens, and let her learn.

It’s still very tempting to help her with things, in general. Like picking toys up, or giving something to her when she’s reaching for it, instead of letting her get things and figure it out on her own. I even have to let her fall when she’s climbing on pillows or on her little chairs, so that she learns to be careful. It isn’t easy!

But, I have learned to back off and let her do things herself. I want her to be strong and independent, not always looking for Mommy to help her. So, Mommy had/has to back off and just go with the flow of life.

8. What I want has to take the back burner.

When you have a baby, everything is put on hold for a while.

Madison was a cluster-feeder, so she wanted to nurse all the time. I was basically stuck on the couch for the first few months. It was hard because I wanted to get things done, especially around the house, but I had to remind myself that my little baby is more important right now. Giving her what she needs was the top priority, even if it meant that I sat on the couch for hours on end, getting up only to pee or get food.

As she got older and became more independent, I’ve been able to do more things for myself, but there is still a lot that is waiting behind taking care of Madison, and everything entailed with being a stay-at-home-mom. In time, more and more of what I want will be able to come forward (or at least I hope so, even if it’s slowly).

9. It’s okay that I’ve changed.

I felt so weird hanging out with my friends after I had Madison. Taking care of her took up 99% of my concentration, and then I felt bad about only being able to give 1% to my friend(s). I knew that I wasn’t the same person they knew a year ago, or even several months earlier. Everything changed. It just happens, and there’s no going back. But there is moving forward into the new you. It just takes time.

10. My mom loved me more than I realized.

I know that Madison will never know the degree that I love her. She might even push away my love as she grows up, and will, hopefully, come back to it. But she will just not know. She won’t remember this past year, or this coming year, or possibly even the next year, but I will. These times are for me.

And with seeing that, I know that I don’t understand my mom’s love for me, either. She’s told me about her having post-partum depression really bad after I was born, and feeling so overwhelmed with a toddler and a new baby. But I don’t know all of the love she gave, even through it all. She had the hardest time with us, but still made it through.

There are so many special moments that I don’t know about. And I only know this because there have been so many special moments that Madison won’t ever know about. There are too many to tell. I may even forget some of them, and have probably already forgotten some. If you have a few special moments every day for 365 days, you just can’t remember all of them. But they were still there.

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Being a mom has made me appreciate my mom even more.

I know she tried really hard for us. And she was always open about her struggles, and as we got older, she always made it a point to tell us if she was wrong or said something she shouldn’t have said, out of anger. That, right there, is love.

This year has been wonderful. I’m beyond blessed and so happy. I hope that what I learned is able to help other new moms, too!

And remember to stay tuned for my upcoming series to go more in depth about these points and what worked for me as a new mom. Add your email in the subscribe box above to be notified when my new posts come out!

Comment with what you’ve learned since becoming a mom!

This series’ posts:
1. I Really Do Know What’s Best
2. Motherhood is hard, but it gets easier…in some ways.

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