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Moms are so busy constantly trying to do the right thing.

For ourselves. For our kids. For our families. For our jobs. And for anything else you can pile on that list. It can get pretty exhausting, at times.

A huge thing that I noticed, when I became a mom, is how much I doubted myself. And it surprised me because I felt so confident beforehand.

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From my breastfeeding abilities to whether my daughter was napping too much or not enough, I doubted every decision and felt like I wasn’t doing enough for her.

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And as time went on, there were new things to doubt myself about, like the right foods to give her, if she was eating enough once she wanted to play more, if she will have brain damage from tumbling over when learning to sit up, crawl, stand, and walk.

Mom guilt and mom doubt go hand in hand.

But the guilt is more so after something happens, whereas the doubt can be before, during and after. You doubt yourself all day long. I would be staring at my baby smiling so contently, and still feel like I was doing something wrong and should be doing more at that moment.

With all of the doubt, I was confused, too. I felt like motherhood should have more “good” feelings, than “bad” feelings, but it wasn’t that way for a while, which was also partly due to the baby blues’ influence.

I really had to give myself a break and just understand that doing anything new is difficult and you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing, but with time, everything will get better.

Over time, I’ve become more confident in my mothering and more certain of myself, but there are still times that I’m unsure if what I’m doing is right, especially in a new developmental stage.

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Here are a few things that helped me reassure myself in my times of doubt and uncertainty:

1. Be knowledgeable.

Research as much as possible when there is something you aren’t sure about. I can’t tell you how many times I googled sleep training options and was able to read other mothers’ experiences and get possible ideas. I wanted Madison to be able to fall asleep by herself for her naps before I went back to work, so that the transition would be easier on her, and I found a way that worked best for us. And I still google things (my daughter just turned one), like how to help a picky eater, or best finger foods, etc. Gaining knowledge is a perfect way to help ease your doubts.

2. Go with your gut.

Even though having knowledge is great, it still comes down to what you think is best. I found it hard to trust myself in the beginning, because I had never done this before, but as time went on, it got easier to tell what I really felt was the right thing to do. Deep down, you will know what is best, and honoring that will make you feel good about yourself. Even when other moms, or even your mom or mom-in-law, have opinions, your is the one that matters most.

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3. Find a support group.

I regretted not joining a mommy group when I had Madison. It helps so much to be able to vent frustrations to other moms who are going through the same thing, or have already gone through the same thing. It’s also fun to share the good and silly things your baby does. Sharing the goods and bads with other moms helps you get new ideas to try, lightens the load a bit, and also makes you feel normal. And even if you don’t join a group, you still need support, like friends and family who can help when you need it. My sister-in-law, a mom of two boys, was my best support.

4. Journal.

I’ve always been a journaler and it has helped so much, when I’m upset or stressed. I feel such a release when I can get my thoughts out of my head. And it’s also great to be able to look back through my journal to see what I was experiencing at that time, and to know how everything ends up being okay, even though I didn’t know it at the time. You can really encourage yourself just by writing down the hard days, and don’t forget to write down the good days, too!

5. Encourage another mom.

There is no better way to get out of self-doubt mode than to encourage another mom who may be doubting herself. Helping others, in essence, helps us. You will feel so much better if you can make someone else’s day, especially if it’s something you went through already and can then give advice on what you did that worked.

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There will always be hard days as a mom, but just remember that they won’t last forever, and pretty soon you will be an expert on what you used to doubt yourself on.

And ALWAYS remember that you are amazing and you are doing great, no matter what your thoughts may tell you at times.

Moms are gifts and we only want to do the best for our babies. Know that you are doing your best, and one day your baby will see that, but for now, just keep going.

Please feel free to reach out if you need to talk or vent. You can comment below or email me at melissa@workingmamabear.com.

Good luck Mama Bears!

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